a new beginning. or not.

melancholic

I wonder what's with the melancholy recently. Maybe being alone just results in more thinking. Or maybe it's really time for reflection.

Have been thinking lots these days. The what-ifs, what-could-have been and what-can-be. The only thing I can be sure about is that the past is past and the future is uncertain. There's little point in thinking of what I could have done just because what's done can't be undone. Any fulfilment, regret, joy and misery was in the past and can't be replayed nor changed. The best thing I can do for myself now would be to love myself and to bravely face come what may. Life is definitely not a bed of roses and the revelation becomes more stark with the years. Looking back and reminiscing about the good old days isn't necessarily bad till you start wishing you lived in the past. But they do certainly serve as fond memories when times are tough. Sometimes I do wish I was back in that canteen throwing whipped cream at each other and trying to get away and shoo the pigeons but i know all that is not possible anymore. We have grown up and life has gotten more complicated and responsibilities heavier. It's hard to be as carefree as we all used to be. But well, we all progress don't we.

Have been listening to a lot more music these few days cos I've been trying to study for the dutch exam that was this afternoon. For me at least, songs really do trigger memories for me. Both good and bad. There's the boyband era and Britney Spears collection that belongs to secondary sch. The soft rock of maroon 5 and hoobastank of the 1st year in university. The r&b of clubbing with the girls. And of cos the retro of mambo nights at Zouk. These days i really miss my piano. The instrument that accompanied me in a huge part of my jc life. Never failed to soothe me. Reminder of the melodies and words written at it. Those times seem really far away and long ago..

As I said at the beginning, I have no idea what's with the recent melancholy. Maybe reflection is good for the soul. Dun get me wrong. I'm happy. Enjoying myself. Looking forward to eastern europe, paris, amsterdam, spain, copenhagen, spain and monaco and scandinavia and the northern lights all in the next month. But just thinking and wondering about a lot.....

posted by just me @ 2:47 AM