a new beginning. or not.

Carry me back.

Lay in bed for a long time last night not being able to fall asleep with so many things running through my head. Guess i've been running away from thinking for a long time. But it's time to put things in order. It's been dragging on for far too long. Too much emotions spent, too much time wasted. What's left is emptiness and exhaustion.

I remember the bible saying that "Your grace is sufficient for me". But I think Your grace is more than sufficient for me. An unworthy me. I can't begin to say how grateful I am. Though times are tough, I'm sure I'll pull through. I've always envied those who had it so easy in life. Never could understand why I had and have to go through so much shit. Sometimes I think that it's self inflicted. But maybe it's part of the plan. Whatever it is, I hope it is for the better.

I want very much to go back to the days where He was the air I breathed, the only one who held my heart, my reason for living. I've gone far too far away for far too long. I dunno if it's even possible to ever return to that childlikeness I had; back to my first love.

I remember listening to a sermon 5 years ago in church which impacted me a huge deal. He said that no matter what life goes on. The world is not gonna stop spinning and wait for you to get over. So even if you got raped, move on! It's harsh, but oh so true. So thus my new blog title - life goes on.

I'm guessing only those who knew me before I was 19 would know what I'm talking about. The person I was 4 years ago and the person I am now are worlds apart. I can't think of any conceivable way there is to turn back time. I'm too exhausted to even try. But I guess He would know how to carry me there?

I have no idea what to do. I need divine intervention.

posted by just me @ 7:28 PM